exile in kidville

nothing to report
January 5, 2010, 1:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

back to work today so i have spent the past hour pouring over my archives and comparing doomed pregnancy #2 with my pregnancy with Auden.  this exercise of course is not really telling of anything at all.

waiting for a phone call from my GPs office with ultrasound appointment information.  makes me a bit sick thinking of it. 

i’m trying not to be negative.  i’m also trying not to be too positive.  trying not to fret and over-analyze every symptom or lack thereof.  not being very successful at any of these endeavors. 

i keep reading this poem.   over and over.  i also read it over and over when Auden was in my belly.

i’m 6w3d today.  this is exactly when doomed pregnancy #2 stopped developing.  i know that this is not that pregnancy, but i can’t help but pause.   weeks 4-6 are the dangerous ones, right? 

i waver between confidence, nonchalance, and fear.   that said, a friend guessed over the weekend that i was pregnant before we even told her.  perhaps a good omen?  i’ll take all that i can get.  i’m also hiccupping like crazy again, which is exactly what i did with Auden.   i’m tired, but i’m always tired as sleep is Auden’s challenge.  no breast symptoms, but i’m still nursing so i don’t know that i would notice anything anyway.  i didn’t have many breast changes with Auden either.  


i want to fast forward to the u/s.  i’m desperate for everything to be okay, but at the same time, i think (perhaps -) that bad news might be easier to take because i have Auden to squeeze to me tightly.

ETA:  u/s is 16 January @ 3:45.  i’ll be 8w0d.  it was booked at the hospital where we had our bad u/s with pregnancy #2.  not excited about the repeat location but not sure if i’m going to do anything about it.   my experience with my 18 week u/s with Auden was not stellar either and that was at a different place…


4 Comments so far
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I wish this could all be easier – the waiting, the celebrating. Hang in there.

Comment by coffeegrl

I love that poem. It makes me cry.

Fingers very crossed for you.

Comment by May

A Saturday? Weird. But at least you can spend all day letting the news soak in. I think it’s great that this u/s will be at the bad place. It means you get a second chance. You’ll balance the hospital’s vibe with good news this time.

Comment by furrow

My fingers are crossed for you as well.

Comment by mrs spock

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