exile in kidville


CD2
March 16, 2009, 8:34 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

first of all, if you haven’t visited Chicklet in a while — do so.  quickly.  i’ll wait. 

news in my life —  AF has returned.  i have been waiting for her with a fervor not seen since back in the day when i wanted to AVOID getting pregnant (something i thought would be EASY to do! ha!).  okay, probably not quite that much, but i have been waiting and waiting. 

so, suddenly i feel like i’m back on the horse.  as Auden was DIY, i’m in a very awkward place.  my GP doesn’t see the need to rush things.  me?  i was asking her about metformin when we were in for A’s nine-month well-baby checkup.   it’s not so much that i want to rush things either. . .but i’m 36, want another baby, and it took us two years to get pregnant with Auden.  why wait?  why mess around?  

then there’s the flip side.  i’m also afraid that i’ve set myself up for a hard fall.  after my m/c in May of 07, i got pregnant with Auden in July.  everyone told me that sometimes it just takes the body a while to figure out “what to do,” and now that mine had, we won’t have any problems.  ever. again.  i find myself almost like i erased my history. . . like a newly wed trying to get pregnant for the first time.  it will be easy!  let’s just do this!

i really hope that comes true.

but i’m searching Craig’s’s list for a clear.blue fertil1ty m0nitor. 

am i nuts?

in other happenings, things are good.  Auden is amazing, and my love for him grows by the second.  my return to work is all too quickly approaching.  i honestly don’t know how i’ll manage leaving him.  we’re visiting the day care we hope to get into tomorrow.  hopefully i won’t sob like an idiot during the tour.  i got so sad today while we were having our usual AM nursing/snuggle session.  we usually lay around for an hour and a half – two hours nursing, playing, and reading books.  i love that time SO much, and with every day that passes the end of these types of mornings is getting closer and closer.  i’m so lucky to have had all this time with him, and so grateful for every little second.   he is the love of my life. 

here is a vid from about a month ago.  i’m telling you, this boy has springs in his toes. 

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7 Comments so far
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it’s hard, because we do feel like we have to be prepared for another long struggle and you just don’t know, especially in your situation. but when you feel that pull and you know it’s time, it doesn’t matter one bit what any dr thinks, you gotta go with what’s in your heart. there’s no such thing as trying again too soon. if we were regular fertile types, no one would ever think of telling us when its the right time to get busy again. for me, the biggest hesitation turned out to be letting that dark time of infertility back into my life.

Comment by sarah

I always speak about “my next baby” as though it’s a certainty, which those in the know are quick to point out. I do feel like I’ll be starting fresh. Babies heal. That’s a good thing.

Comment by Furrow

Megan- I have a Clear Blue Easy you can have. I refuse to ever use it again. It’s 6 months by ourselves and then back to the RE. It holds only bad memories for me- but you can have it. Email me at mrsspock9@gmail.com.
We’re rounding the 1-year corner and I have similar feelings.

Comment by mrsspock

Love the vid – wow, he can jump high!
As for the rest… I’ll just wish you luck.
Bea

Comment by Bea

Good luck with it all. Auden is just too adorable.

Comment by carlarey

Wow, A is awesome! What a jumper.
As for the “next one”… Gosh it’s annoying when people talk like youre all “fixed”, like there was no problem at all. I’m sorry. But I hope all goes well.

Comment by Ms. C

[…] two april babies, and that i could be on mat leave again in no time.  alas.  hope dashed again.  i knew this would happen — that i had put myself in a very dangerous place, a place where hope was too prominent, a […]

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