exile in kidville


hello, hello. . .
February 11, 2008, 12:01 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

thanks to those of you who have checked in on me.  i’m okay. baby wee is okay.  i believe wee’s feet are hooked around my ribs on my right side today.   s/he is moving around quite a bit, and it makes me so happy.

however, my carpal tunnel has turned into full on chronic pain with no real relief.  i can no longer sleep through the night because the pain wakes me up and being at work is near excruciating.  there is either shooting pain in various locations, or my left hand goes entirely numb, or the pins and needles slowly poke away at my sanity.  it is constant.  i’ve been sleeping with a splint but with no apparent benefit.   my workstation has been assessed by the ergo consultant and i’ve been given an ergo keyboard and mouse, but not hing seems to help.  the birth clinic kept only offering me empathy and compassion but eventually that wasn’t enough so i went back to my GP.  i’ve an appointment with the hand physio this afternoon and a possible appointment with the hand clinic.  it may take upwards of 6 weeks to get an appointment with the hand clinic though so it may not even be worth it as this is supposed to resolve itself after the birth.  the doc told me that while the ergo keyboard and such are all fine and good, as this is actually caused by the pregnancy, she’s not surprised that they are not helping things.  early medical leave has been discussed and each day that seems like a better and better idea. 

i suppose i’ve also just plain old been avoiding the blog.  with all of the loss and sadness out there these days, i’ve found the blogosphere as more evidence of a cruel, cruel universe rather than a good, safe place.  i can’t begin to comprehend what Alexa, AMS, and Mary Ellen (and i’m sure there are others) have gone through.  i can’t.  writing about my pain sounds, feels, and is negligible in comparison.  i know blogging isn’t about that, know that this isn’t a competition but i’ve just been at a loss as to how to view this space these days.  i’m still unsure.   

entirely selfishly, i’ve been kind of hiding from the blogosphere too.  it’s been hard enough to be joyful about my pregnancy while constantly in pain — especially a pain that is seemingly so incomprehensible, so supposedly easily managed…. but i also tend to latch on to people’s stories in a way that is perhaps a bit too consuming.  i’ve had to hide out for a bit to protect myself.  sometimes the grief and pain of others is simply too much to bear.   does that sound as horrible as i think it does?  if it does, i’m sorry, but i don’t know how else to put it.   

i’ve candles lit for Ames, Lennox, Zoe, Claire, Lucy, and Sylvia as well as Alexa, ME, and AMS and their families. 

i will post as i can.  i’m trying to limit my typing to work-related. . . not that it matters much.  even if i’m doing nothing my arms, wrists, and hands hurt so still it is reducing my ability to post. 

know that i’m thinking of all of you. . . be you in a good place or in the depths of the worst.  i’m grateful for what this community has given me and hope that i’ve been able to give some of that back.   

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10 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Sweetheart, you look after yourself and Wee first and foremost. If that means you need time off from the internet, we will manage (barely!) without you.
On the other hand, it IS nice to hear from you again. I’m glad the pregnancy is going so well, but very sorry and concerned your hands are hurting you so much. It sounds absolutely hellish. When I had carpal tunnel (admittedly, poor-mouse-technique-and-excess-knitting-caused, not pregnancy-caused) I found propping my hand up above my head somehow helped, because any excess fluid or puffiness could drain away and take the pressure off my poor wrist nerves. Even a tiny bit of relief of the pressure helped. Of course, it came back when I had to stand up and use my hand, but luckily not immediately. Just in case it helps.
Thinking of you!

Comment by May

You’re on the home stretch now. Hopefully that carpal tunnel will settle once the little one arrives. In the meantime, do what you’ve gotta do.
There is a lot of heartbreak in the blogosphere. Sometimes it does feel like too much.
Bea

Comment by Bea

Just out of curiosity… are you icing your wrists? I’ve had a lot of repetitive strain problems, and the things that helped the most were icing morning and night (5-10 minutes each side – this is also what they do in occupational therapy) and sleeping with my arms in braces and elevated on pillows – this requires sleeping on one’s back to be really effective, and I don’t know if that is possible during the third trimester. But it even helps to elevate my arms on pillows while I’m sleeping on my side – I have two small pillows, one for each arm, and while it’s impossible to explain how I manage both of them, one elevates each wrist, even when I’m lying on my side. Anyway, I hope something helps! RSIs are terrible.

Comment by marie

I’m so sorry about the wrists. You take care of yourself mentally and physically, and do what you gotta do. We’ll still support you.

Comment by Samantha

I’m sorry about the carpal tunnel pain – I have pretty bad back pain too, and it’s really hard not to complain about it. I can only imagine what it would be like if I couldn’t type. Poor girl!
You need to do what you need to do – take care of you and Wee. We’re here for you no matter what though, good OR bad.

Comment by serenity

Glad Wee is doing well, but it sucks about the constant pain…I’ll say from my experience that I do not regret one iota taking the doc up on limiting my work hours as much as I have. My back pain is much more manageable puttering around the house…and checking blogs, of course.

Comment by mrs spock

I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay.

Comment by Karen

I have repetitive strain injuries that have varied in intensity over the years. They are horrible and often debilitating. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.
I feel like your words re: internalizing the pain and losses that others are experiencing were taken from my heart. I find myself having to read more pregnancy success stories these days just to manage my fear about this pregnancy.
Don’t feel badly, sweetie. You have to do what you have to do. The community will still be here for you, no matter what. And you know how to reach me via email so don’t ever hesitate if you need to reach out to someone but don’t want to blog.
XOXOXO

Comment by Lady In Waiting

Glad to hear all is as well as it can be considering. Hang in there and avoid as you need.

Comment by chicklet

No wonder you don’t feel like blogging with your wrists in pain. By all means, give your poor hands a break!
And I know what you mean about “knowing” too much from the internet. Sometimes the heartache is too much to balance. Be gentle with yourself and do what you need to do. No one will judge you for it here.

Comment by Ms. Planner




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