exile in kidville

okay, pass me a cookie you insensitive meanie
January 14, 2008, 4:54 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

so my GTT was “completely normal.”  i’m SO relieved. . . and a bit surprised too.

though i still maintain it was insensitive of Husband to make 2-3 dozen extra cookies last night and have them sitting alluringly in a casserole dish on the counter this morning.  even though (as is typically the way with such things) much of my anger about the cookies likely has little to do with the actual cookies.  it was probably more to do with my anxiety about the GTT results and a few other things to boot. 

before you read further, i must reveal that what follows is pregnant lady ranting about her fear of c-sections, the US health care system, and other things that just might set you off if you’re not in the mood (ie shut up, lady — at least your pregnant….that sort of thing).  i apologize in advance.  if you take off at this point, no harm done.  i totally understand.

see, we had our baby group last friday.  all was well except that my fundal measurement was about 3cm more than it should be.  now, i know that this measurement is an inexact science, and can in fact comfortably vary 2-4 centimetres without trouble.  also?  this was a new person doing the measurement so that is also a factor as she could measure differently.  however, being that my gestational diabetes status was not yet known it raised a small alarm for the doctor that i was indeed growing an extra large baby with giant shoulders that was sure to get stuck in the birth canal thus necessitating what i have come to realize is a HUGE fear to me — the c-section.   this was my biggest worry about gestational diabetes.  i just KNEW that if i had GD, i would then have to have a C-SECTION in order to get the extra large sugar baby out. 

don’t ask me where this fear came from, but it hit me on friday when i was crying in the car over my extra three centimetres.   on top of all of the normal fears of giving birth, i am simply TERRIFIED of having a c-section.   rationally, i KNOW that it wouldn’t be the end of the world, may actually be medically necessary, and happens all the time. . . but THAT is one of the problems.  it happens ALL THE TIME (in the states), and often unnecessarily so.  it is MAJOR SURGERY and this fact seems to have been forgotten.  i also know that i’m in CANADA at a clinic with a less than 12% (or 16%? i can’t remember right now) c-section rate where they are all about keeping me home as long as possible with my hubby, puppy, and doula, and try with all of their might to avoid any of these extraneous measures that i’m so afraid of….  so why am i so freaked out by this?   i don’t really know. 

maybe it’s just that it took us two years to get here…so many tests, doctors, pills, thermometers, etc that i just don’t want ANYTHING else intrusive to happen.  i know that we didn’t even do IVF, but still, it just seems as if there was a lot of medicalization of the process happening already, and i don’t want any more of it if i can help it.  i just want to have our baby without someone simply clock-watching, trying to feed me picotin, automatically giving me an episiotomy just because it’s procedure, or anything like that.  and i know from the clinic that i’m working with that WONT happen, but still, i’m terrified of the c-section.   

i hope that i’m not offending any of you who have either had or are planning on having a c-section.  this is a completely personal issue for me, and not a judgment of anyone (except perhaps the US medical system) in any way, shape, or form.

so there.  i don’t have the g-d GD anyway!  pass me a cookie. 

the rest of baby group was good.  h/b a good 150 beats/minute.  we’ve constantly varied between 150-160 which is quite exciting to me.  group felt kind of like high school this last session.  we watched a video about the phases of labour, and talked a little about sex during pregnancy….  our group has changed hands though, which is a bit disconcerting.  previously it was being run by a midwife with a community health nurse and a doctor observing because she was new to the program.  now we’re being run by a doctor (which is totally fine…as the docs and midwives work so collaboratively there it really doesn’t make a difference) and the same community health nurse.  it’s fine, just different. 

in sum, i’m trying to relax.  i’m just realizing now how tense (and dramatic!) i’ve been about getting those GTT results.   naturally there is another thing creeping up now…i’ve pain/pressure in my pelvic area that is making it painful to walk around.  i called our doctor on call and she is reassured by the fact that there is no pattern/rhythm to the pain and that it doesn’t hurt when i pee.  she thinks it could just be the normal pains of pregnancy ie ligaments or pubic symphysis.  i’m to keep an eye on things, rest, and to call back if things to me though, it is still quite disconcerting, not to mention the fact that it makes me walk VERY SLOWLY.  it’s been a problem since early yesterday afternoon.   if i’m sitting still, it doesn’t hurt but the minute i stand up, there it is.  i have to stand still for a minute before moving onward.  what do you think?  should i insist on being seen if it’s still like this tomorrow?   baby has also been moving around WAY more than usual since yesterday. . . i’m not quite sure what to do. 

hope all is well with all of you.  i’m slowly getting back into the commenting business, so you’ll be seeing more of me around. . .


7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Glad you passed the 3hr. I failed the 1hr and passed the 3. Apparently MANY MANY people fail the 1hr and pass the 3. I think they make the 1hr easy to fail on purpose.
You know, there are so many things to be freaked out and scared about I think you just happen to have picked c-section. I have a couple things that I’m probably a bit irrationally afraid of – it might be some kind of defense mechanism. We get to concentrate on being upset about that ONE thing instead of EVERYTHING. You know what I mean?
That said, I hope your birth experience is everything you want it to be.

Comment by Cara

Yay for passing the GTT!
I know what you mean about wanting the procedures to stop. I think that had a lot to do with our prenatal testing decisions – it was like, leave us alone! Hopefully the birth will go very smoothly. If you need a C-section, I know you’ll do what you have to do, and although it’s a proper surgery, it’s also quite safe.

Comment by Bea

I understand sort off – caesarian rates here are much lower – they are not even routine for breech babies – but I’m still worried about the prospect.

Comment by Caro

I’m glad you passed the GTT!
I can’t help you with the fear thing – as much as I would like to deliver vaginally, I do know that there’s a pretty good chance I might also have a c-section. I’m trying to go into it with no expectations so I’m not disappointed in any way. All I keep thinking is: well, at least I’ll get to meet our baby!
The pain thing? It could be anything. It’s worth it to meet with a doctor if it’ll ease your mind.
JMO, though.

Comment by serenity

oh yes, i remember having that pain. but then again, there were so many weird feelings. i agree you should call again if it seems worse.
i was worried i’d have a c section too. it helped me to hear from friends who’d done it both ways that neither was really any worse than the other, it was just a different kind of recovery. and it’s no wonder we infertiles are hoping SOMETHING will go the natural way.

Comment by Sarah

I can perfectly understand the desire to absolutely NOT have any more interventions at all. Totally enough already.
Very glad you passed the test. Look after yourself.

Comment by May

So glad you passed the GD test and dang those cookies sound good!

Comment by Ms. Planner

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