exile in kidville

hey gang!
December 11, 2007, 11:17 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

i’m still here.  21w4d.  hanging out.  trying to knit a pair of socks for everyone in my immediate family (husband, mom, dad, sister. . . ).  trying is the operative word though being that i only have one complete pair, two complete singletons, and two others on the go.  frankly, it’s not looking good.  alas. 

i’m having a problem with calendars and timelines in general too.  i’m convinced that december is already over.  in addition, apparently april doesn’t count this year.  this means that in my strange little brain i only have three months left until baby.  unfortunately when my brain meets a calendar, it can only be depressing because the scenario created by my brain does not jibe with the indisputable reality that is the calendar.  i actually told someone the other day that i was six months pregnant.  she then asked if i was due in february.  "no, mid-april" i told her.  she then looked at me as if i were severely addled.  alas.

i don’t have a problem with wishing for speed with this pregnancy.  it’s not that i’m having a particularly hard time with being pregnant, i’m just anxious.  i want to meet wee.  hello wee!  come out and play!  or come out and cry and be a blobby baby!  just come on out!  but not yet, not yet.  you’re not cooked enough, i know.  i’m also loathe to see what the final three months of pregnancy have in store for me (see, the calendar/timeline issues run deep).  i’m already feeling ginormous, and i believe it to be factual that i will only get bigger and will reach a point where tying my shoes will be laughable. 

need i reassure you that i’m extremely grateful, blessed, and lucky to be here?  please say no.  you already know that, right?  i’ve had a hard time knowing or understanding where and how i fit into the IF blogosphere these days.   can a pregnant lady comment on a blog announcing bad news?  can a pregnant lady complain about what ails her?  i know i’m over-analysing this.  i just hate upsetting people.  particularly people who mean as much to me as all of you.  the support you have provided me with is priceless to me.  now is also where you can tell me to get over myself.  go on, it will make you feel better. 

i’m just feeling pretty good these days.  wee gave me my first definitive poke while we were out at a noisy breakfast place on saturday.  now i’m feeling movement a lot more frequently, and realize that i have for while.  it makes me giddy.  i laugh out loud and poke my tummy right back.  i suppose i have to get that under control or people will soon think i am more than simply addled with calendars.  i can’t help it though.  it’s simply thrilling to me.  wee is alive, and wiggling around in there.  it’s just amazing.  i can’t wait until Husband can feel it too.  he says, "that must be so WEIRD to feel that."  it is in a way.  it’s like, "hold on!  living creature!  INSIDE MY TUM!"  it’s all alien like.  but wonderful.  wiggle, wee, wiggle!  i love you! 

and i do.  i’m hopelessly in love with this baby by now.

we’ve our next baby group this friday so i get to hear wee’s little beating heart again.  i can’t wait.  also?  you know the incessantly talking woman who caused me much anxiety about baby group?  well, we saw them at the store on saturday and we were chatting a bit…talk moved to ultrasounds and then somehow to miscarriages.  i told her that we just had one in may, which was actually our second and that we had been trying to get to this pregnant state for two years.  she was perfect.  she said she was so sorry to hear that and that was it.  she didn’t go on and on.  i adore being surprised by people.  it’s so great when you expect someone to behave completely inappropriately and then they floor you by saying the right thing.  so simple.  so lovely.  i wish more people would prove me wrong. 

i want to be posting more.  so tell me, what’s interesting to you?  you want to hear about what i made for dinner last night (but with kale instead of chard.  it was DELICIOUS)?  about how puppy is trying daycare three days a week instead of two because we are lazy dog parents and also it is cold and nasty outside?  about how i’m already worried about breastfeeding because my boObs don’t seem to have changed ONE bit?  i just don’t know… anything you want to know about me?  ask away.   


11 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I am so happy to hear from you and I love that wee is giving you a few nudges here and there. What a great feeling.
Be sure to fill us in on your group meeting.
Wooo hooo for the girl saying the right thing!!!!

Comment by M

All of those things are fine, if you want to talk about them, but feel free to have nothing but baby on the brain, as well. I know how it is. And it is amazing what a time warp you get into when you’re anxious about being pregnant. Each week felt like a month to me, I was so anxious to get to the next milestone and to feel more assured of a happy ending.
I’m so glad you’re feeling the little nudges! It’s so cool – at least, until wee starts to feel like s/he is trying to kick hir way out of your abdomen.

Comment by furrow

I am not sure I can agree any more with this post. All of it. It’s like you blogged EXACTLY what I’ve been thinking. So yeah, you are not alone.
Any other good recipes to share with us? I’m craving some new good winter dinners.

Comment by serenity

It is so good to hear that you are happy and enjoying life these days. Trust me, the end of pregnancy gets here soon enough, you don’t have to rush it. You go along feeling like it will be an eternity, and then suddenly your OB tells you that it’s time to go to weekly visits and you totally panic because you haven’t finished a third of what you had set out to accomplish in all the vastness of time before your new human was due to arrive.

Comment by carlarey

You can complain about pregnancy, post about dinner, whatever floats into your brain. And I don’t really see a reason why you couldn’t comment on someone else’s blog if bad news comes up. Seems fine to me.
I’m glad that the wee one is moving around in there. Sounds like a lot of fun!

Comment by Samantha

Always good to hear from you. :-) I so hear you on not knowing where you fit in, though–and whether it’s appropriate to comment, what to say, etc. But, I think that as long as you’re sensitive (which you clearly are), sharing the good is as important as sharing the struggle.

Comment by Sticky Bun

I am so excited that you are feeling the baby move. I can’t imagine how real that makes things. By the way, I just loved your little babystrology.com widget, so I bummed it and put one on my page. I hope things keep progressing as beautifully as they have and that Husband gets to feel Wee move soon too! Take care!

Comment by Equipoise

I’m feeling the same way about my blog too. Just not sure what to write about.

Comment by Caro

I love feeling the nudges too! I’ve also felt weird of late about commenting on someone’s blog, worrying that maybe they will click over to see who it is and be slapped in the face by a pregnancy…

Comment by mrs spock

You still fit into the IF blogging world, I promise. And the fact that you are concerned about it shows that you really do get it. At least that’s what I keep telling myself about my own situation.

Comment by Nicole

I’m excited to see just how ginormous you really are next week:-)

Comment by chicklet

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