exile in kidville


dreams suck
August 23, 2007, 9:18 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

argh.  i SO wanted to stay home today.  i had a terrible dream this morning and haven’t been able to shake it. 

i was at the birth program clinic that i love so much, only of course it was not the clinic that i know and love but instead a lovely old house with many Persian rugs and amazing antique furniture.  Husband and my mom were there with me.  we were just kind of hanging out, waiting for my doctor to come out.  she finally did, and the doctor and i went in to her "office" and proceeded to watch television.  strange.  then i decided that i would go pee.  of course, blood, blood every where.  i decided to go lie down.   in a bed.  with the Husband.  in the same big old house that was supposedly the birth program.   i fell asleep (strange to fall asleep when you are already dreaming, no?)  when i woke up, more blood.  the doctor came in and the got me up on this rickety wooden gurney thing with wooden stirrups.  then my mom came in, completely bewildered as to what was going on because i haven’t even told her that i’m pregnant.  she started to cry, and then i woke up.   freaking out. 

sigh.  this was the most dramatic in a series of bad dreams lately.

i’m trying so hard to relax and my stupid brain is just NOT cooperating.  thankfully i’ve no blood sightings in real life, but that is actually little consolation because i didn’t last time either. 

it’s by no means a new sentiment, but it’s so frustrating that we spend so much time desperately wanting to be pregnant and then when we are it’s so stressful and scary.  people who can just get pregnant and only feel joy and happiness without worry don’t realize how fucking lucky they are.  i want that.   i want to not have stupid bloody dreams and not to keep over analyzing my symptoms (or lack thereof) and just be. pregnant.  i know we all want that.  i want that for all of us too.

speaking of pregnancy being scary, please go see Sticky and give her a hug.   

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12 Comments so far
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How horrifying. I hate those dreams where you wake up, because then you’re even more sure that it’s reality. So, so scary.

Comment by furrow

Ugh, dreams suck sometimes. I hope you have better sleep tonight.

Comment by sharah

I am sorry you had that dream….it does stink that we can’t really enjoy pregnancy…or at least not the start of it due to what it took to get there. I am pulling for you and hope that the dreams are the only bad news you get.

Comment by M

We can’t have it, no matter how much we wish otherwise. And that’s not fair. (I know life isn’t fair, but I don’t care.)

Comment by Adrienne

I hope you have nothing but good dreams tonight.

Comment by My Reality

oh god, how awful! if only…
hoping the good news outweighs the fear in time…

Comment by Sarah

Your subconscious is definitely letting all your worries come out, isn’t it? Wish I had a sure fire method for pleasant dreams, but I had rampant insomnia the whole time.

Comment by carlarey

I’m so sorry you have to have such crappy dreams. I know how crazy worried I am about this pregnancy; I can only imagine what it must feel like when you’ve already had a loss. Hang in there.

Comment by Ann

Oh Megan, I am so sorry about your dreams. Your subconcious is definitely doing a number on you, you poor thing. Sending you a big hug and lots of support.

Comment by Ms. Planner

Oh, that IS a terrible and very scary dream! I hope you find a little cheer today. I guess the one good thing about knowing how truly difficult bringing children into this world can be, is that we will truly appreciate any child we might be blessed with. I hope the scary and tense moments are far and few between. Here’s a big *hug* for you. You know we are all behind you in this!

Comment by Equipoise

I’m so sorry you had a bad dream – I had a foul one once about my husband’s funeral, and I couldn’t stop crying for the rest of the day. And I didn’t even have any reasons to worry at the time – just a good old, standard anxiety dream. I am hoping you do get to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I am hoping it very hard indeed.

Comment by May

Ugh…I’m so sorry about that dream. And I so hear you–the blissfully unawares fertiles are more lucky than they’ll ever appreciate.
I hope that everything continues to go well, and that you’re able to get through significant milestone after significant milestone with nothing scarier than a dream.
Also, thanks so much for the support over the past couple of days. They sure know how to keep it interesting, huh? ugh…

Comment by Sticky Bun




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