exile in kidville


theory and reality
August 20, 2007, 9:39 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

you ladies (and gents?) are so lovely and supportive.  thank you so much.  it’s simply wonderful to have you all in my corner. 

so, yes.  good beta numbers.  i’m happy.  and for today (as far as i know) i’m still pregnant.  there’s not a whole lot more i can ask for.

some of you mentioned that i should keep my appointment with the RE next week.  knowing my clinic, i really don’t think this is a good idea.  i would walk in there and they would simply be pissed off that i was wasting their time.  there would be no scan, there would be no . . . anything other than them asking me why i was there.  trust me on this.  it’s a private clinic and essentially simply a business.  as they didn’t "get" me pregnant, i can tell you from previous experience they want NOTHING to do with me.  with my last pregnancy, i called to tell them and was instantly told to call my GP.  the nurses wouldn’t answer ANY questions for me, nothing.  they might as well have told me to fuck off.  i was nothing but lost income for them.  so, while a good idea in theory, it would not be a good idea in reality with this clinic.  instead, if still in my current condition, i will phone them on thursday and simply cancel, telling them that i will phone to reschedule.  hopefully, hopefully i won’t be doing that. 

i do still have my appointment with Dr. Soap on friday.  hopefully our test results and the pathology report are in.  it’s amazing how long it takes.   we’re basically going to keep this with the birth clinic that i adore so and with my GP.  the clinic adores Dr. Soap as well and they will keep him as a back-up so this makes me happy too.  i can’t say enough good things about this clinic.  if you want more info on it, let me know and i’ll send you a link to their web site, as i’m reluctant to link to it from here just now.  it’s a very cool place with midwives, physicians, and doulas all working together…. as you get further along in your pregnancy you end up in a group of 8-10 other women and their partners who are all due around the same time as you.  you meet as a group regularly and at each meeting there is also one-on-one mom-doc/midwife time.  it’s really really progressive and really lessens the extreme medicalization that has become giving birth today.  their moms still give birth in the hospital, but before you go, your doula comes over to your house and their goal is to reduce your hospital time by keeping you home through as much of early labour as possible (and as you are comfortable with) and to get you home as soon as possible too.   can you tell that i love it?  i just hope that i actually get to go through the program this time. . .

i don’t really have much to report, as we had a pretty quiet weekend around here.  i’ve been having a hard time sleeping because i’m getting up to pee all the time.  last night i was really nauseous too which made it difficult to get back to sleep after any of my numerous pee trips.  forget morning sickness, i’ve middle of the night sickness!  my boobs didn’t start really getting sensitive until yesterday, which i took as a welcome sign.  i take all of this as a good sign, especially give that new symptoms keep appearing. 

the strange thing is that i haven’t even told my mom yet.  i’ve told three friends and that’s it.  in a way i don’t know why i haven’t told her, because she will know about this either way.  i just haven’t been able to yet.  i’m gunshy in so many ways . . .there’s a part of me that just wants to lie down on the couch and just wait.  wait for success or failure.  every day that goes by i’m more and more invested, and that scares me too. 

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12 Comments so far
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I think about the same thing, how I won’t want to tell anyone but the internet. Which is so odd but so safe at the same time. I’m hoping you don’t have to ever see the clinic again.

Comment by chicklet

That clinic sounds awful, and they shouldn’t be in the business of helping people, if they’re not willing to help all people. Yuck.
And I know exactly how you feel about wanting to just sleep until it’s all over – good or bad. I’m so scared about it all going to shit again, sometimes it’s all I can think about. But the rest of the time, I’m trying to be zen – stressing only makes me miserable, it doesn’t affect the outcome. Easier said than done, though.

Comment by Adrienne

What a rude clinic. It sounds like it’s better to avoid them.
I must admit, I would’ve waited longer to tell my mom about this pregnancy, but I knew she’d be soooo hurt if I did. That’s just how she is. I’m glad you have a little more flexibility.

Comment by ultimatejourney

I have absolutely no assvice or comments at all on clinics, RE or birth, being an ignoramus about both, except I’m glad the birth clinic is so very good.
And I am thinking of you, and wishing all good things.
That pee thing – I once had cystitis for two weeks, and had to get up twice every damn night to pee, and it made me SO miserable, so I am utterly feeling for your poor bladder.

Comment by May

I don’t think you should worry that you haven’t told your mom yet. I think you’ll tell her when you feel it’s time. I think you should focus on relaxing and try to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. I’m so excited for you! I hope symtoms keep coming and will keep on hoping for good things.
xx

Comment by Equipoise

I can’t belive your clinic. I would want to tell them to fuck off. If for any reason you need to go back to any fertility clinic, I think I would be shopping for a new one.

Comment by My Reality

Ugh, the clinic sounds awful. Obviously for so many reasons I’m hoping that everything works out beautifully. But at least one ancillary benefit will be not having to deal with them again!
I hear you on telling people. I’ve also been really apprehensive. I just really want to make sure I’m ready before we broadcast it!
Keeping everything crossed for you!

Comment by Sticky Bun

I’m so sorry to hear about that clinic. Those people shouldn’t be involved in a field that is so emotional if they are so detached. That is horrible. You are probably better off steering clear of them then.
I understand not wanting to tell family. Next time (staying positive here!), I think I may hold off instead of spilling the beans right away. It may take some of the pressure off to “perform”.
Still crossing those crossables that all will be well! XOXO

Comment by Kristen

I could not bring myself to tell my Mom or my sisters. I really have no idea why. I would go visit my family, and then just not be able to force the words out. Finally at about 16 weeks, after hanging out all afternoon, I told them I had to leave, and then called from my cell on the way home. Crazy, huh? Especially since they were all thrilled. Maybe I just couldn’t deal with the emotion up close.

Comment by carlarey

I’m not surprised about the clinic thing. I’m sure the one I dealt with would be the same way. They ARE a business, and I’m sure they’d end up charging you handsomely just for the privilege of telling you they can’t help you.
I can understand the mom thing. I’d be worried about getting her hopes up too early in case something bad happened. I waited until after we saw the heartbeat. It’s hard enough dealing with your own pain, let alone someone else’s. But of course, there’s a lot to be said for support in either case.

Comment by furrow

Boy, how did I miss this? A belated congrats on your BFP! I am so hoping this is it for you, and that you get to follow through the clinic you love.

Comment by Ann

I wish the fertility clinic would be just *little* more understanding. It wouldn’t kill them. Geez.
However, the birth clinic sounds completely wonderful!

Comment by Samantha




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