exile in kidville

my ute always shines on tv
July 20, 2007, 11:09 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

my hysteroscopy yesterday went well-ish.  i threw up after it was all over, but otherwise it was smooth sailing.   i think it was just a combination of nerves and the rather embarrassing fact that seeing my ute up there on the big fancy screen right by my head made me rather nauseous.  i thought that i might throw up right there on the table.  i’m not usually such a wuss.  it was like seeing my innards on the dis.cover.y ch.annel or something.  gross.  yes, i am like an 8 year old.  i can’t even watch when they’re drawing blood out of my arm, so how am i to cope with seeing my innards on tv??

the "good" news is that nothing is amiss.  normal, healthy, pink little uterus.  entry ways to both tubes just where they should be, and wide open.  i suppose i should be happier about this.  i *am* happy to know that i’m healthy, but it is also frustrating news in the sense that it is yet another normal test to add to our roster of very normal tests.  it’s a strange feeling….to wish that something obvious was wrong with me.  i’m certain that many of you understand this though, no?  all of my blood work, both the CD3 round ordered by the clinic and the extra tests ordered by the Dr. Soap were also back.  all normal.  the karotyping is still out and thankfully the pathology report was not in my folder there because the RE who did my hysteroscopy is the same RE that i’m trying to get away from.  i certainly didn’t want to hear that news from her.

the whole RE thing is very confusing.  she didn’t seem to know that i asked for a different doc.  she told me that she would have her secretary call me to set up an appointment so we could meet and make a plan for what comes next.  wtf?  it would have been nice to have such an appointment a month and a half ago when i really wanted it.  in her defence, she did seem perplexed by the making and canceling of appointments during that time period. 

however, this visit/experience cemented my resolve to change REs.  before she came in to see me, i could hear her out in the hallway talking to a couple.  she was commending the woman on her recent weight loss but told her that she had to get her BMI down even further before she could do IVF.  the voices were quieter for a bit and i didn’t hear what was happening until the end of their conversation.  the husband was asking some questions that i couldn’t hear, then suddenly i hear the RE ask the woman, "do you understand what i have told you?"  she answered in the affirmative.  "good," said bad RE.  "can you explain it to him then?  i have to go." 

seriously.  that really happened.

THEN, she came in to talk to me as i was picking my face off of the floor after being privy to her conversation in the hallway.  she was flipping through my chart and was all confused.  Dr. Soap and my GP are treating my miscarriage in may as my second.   this perplexes Bad RE as she dismisses that as a chemical pregnancy.  i informed her that i went back and looked at my records and the cycle she is dismissing was nearly as long as my last one when i was certainly confirmed pregnant.  she didn’t seem to care.  to her, it’s meaningless.  then i had to listen to her question the wisdom of Dr. Soap asking for all of the blood work that he did.  at this point i was nearly ready to tell her to fuck off.  however, i wanted the hysteroscopy done, so i behaved.  really though, while i’m sure she is a very skilled practitioner, she’s a bitch, plain and simple. i can’t handle it.  especially not when i know that another practitioner in the same practice is a decent human, and that i am not the first person who requested a change because of her ridiculously bad bedside manner. 

now the issue lies in ensuring that i get the change i want.  i phoned my GPs office to ask about the most recent referral and they assured me that they requested the change.  apparently the clinic will phone me when an appointment is available with the RE that i want.  i haven’t heard anything yet, but i’m thinking of calling the clinic to ask about how long it will be.  if they’re talking 6 months to a year or something i might just stick it out with Bitch RE, though that would sadden (and anger) me.  i’m not sure what to do at this point.  it’s difficult as there doesn’t seem to be a note in my chart to reflect my request.  should i call the secretary of the RE of my desires and ask?  should i phone general reception and have them look into it?  i haven’t decided. 

after the hysteroscopy i had an appointment with the most amazing hair lady in the universe.  she has been my hair lady for years and i love her.  she is also nearly 8 months pregnant.  for the first part of the appointment i wasn’t dealing with being there….all post-ute-on-tv experience and her big belly and happy to be pregnant self were not mixing very well.  later on though i settled in a bit and it was fine.  really nice, actually.  she asked how things were going with us and i told her about the miscarriage and some general bits about tests and such.  she was great, but i was still feeling edgy.  at some point she was talking about how she and her husband had a group of people over the other night and it was all pregnant ladies or those with young kids.  i said,  "oooh, it would have made me sad to be there…"  and it was like a light bulb went off in her head.  she sat down and apologized and said it must be so hard to be sitting there with her big belly in my face.  she was so sincere.  it made the rest of my appointment downright enjoyable.  i felt myself instantly relax.  that simple acknowledgment made me feel 100% better.  at another point after this we were talking about the usual tiresome assvice of relaxing, going on vacation, etc. etc.  she actually got a little angry during this conversation, and was going on about how ridiculous that was.  so refreshing.  i’ve always loved her and knew that she was a good person, but i love her even more now.  i’m even going to knit her a little baby bib and send it to the salon with my e-mail address so we can keep in touch.  she and her husband recently moved which means that she has been taking the bus to work, so after our appointment (and after she ran across the street with me to help me pick out a flat iron!  love her!) i drove her home.   she asked if she could give me her special belly rub to give us good luck, and surprisingly, i let her.  it actually made me happy.  she’s always been a person that i knew i would like hanging out with and always wanted to, but it’s hard sometimes to make that leap from client/service provider to friend.  i feel like i can do that now though.  i went home feeling hopeful instead of devastated.  i know hope can be a bitch, but i haven’t seen even a shadow of her in the last while and i was actually happy to see her. 

weekend plans?  dinner with husband tonight.  then dinner with husband’s family saturday night as it is my SILs birthday.  saturday morning = market time.  we also have to go to the travel place to see if we can plan a trip to europe in september as it’s husbands 40th and we want to do something special.  i wish you all the best of weekends…


14 Comments so far
Leave a comment

wow, i cannot believe what you heard RE bitch say to that other couple! glad you’re changing. congrats on the nice ute and hurray for the europe trip!

Comment by Sarah

Wow she does sound like a bitch….I hope the wait isnt to long and you can make the change. Sounds like you have a nice weekend planned – enjoy.

Comment by Meghan

I know exactly how it feels to be told everything is normal and wish, for once, something would come out abnormal. I can’t get pregnant, so I want to find the problem and FIX IT. I am a doer. I am not good at waiting or being patient…especially when I’m not getting anywhere.
I can’t believe your RE is such a terrible person! I hope you get an appointment with new RE very soon!

Comment by Equipoise

So glad to hear about your pretty ute, though I understand the desire for a reason.
Bad, bad RE! she sounds horrible.
I so need a hairdresser. Yours sounds wonderful. I hope you can make the leap to friendship.
Europe? Cool!

Comment by furrow

I really, really think you need to contact Good RE’s secretary and express how much you want him. Being stuck with a provider you don’t like is unacceptable. But I do understand not wanting to wait for months to get in with a new RE…

Comment by Ann

My assvice: find a way to get the RE you want! At my last clinic there were two docs and they were both so horrible, I felt horrible every time I went there. The relief I feel being at new clinic with docs who are so nice is priceless. It makes a hard experience that much easier. Get what you need to make this process better for you.
Love the story about your hairdresser. She sounds like a lovely person.

Comment by Merideth

I’m sure seeing your ute (pretty as it was) was made ever so much worse by the Bitch RE doing the looking. I’m sorry it made you feel sick. I’m sorry she’s being a cow and not listening. I personally can put up with a little brusqueness in exchange for a doctor who LISTENS. It’s my damn’ body etc. I really really hope this is the last time you have to deal with her.
I know exactly what you mean by wishing there was an actual problem, rather than a pretty ute. I mean, no one wants a problem, but we really really do want answers, and treatment, and concrete things to do. All this wafting about in limbo gets a bit crushing.
Kudos to the hair-dresser.

Comment by May

Definitely call up and be a moderate pest about switching docs. Chances are the office staff doesn’t like this woman any more than you do. Sounds like she should be in a lab and allowed minimal human contact. Don’t forget that they are working for you. Fire her.

Comment by carlarey

There very well could be more than one bitch RE in Vancouver but I’m suspicious you’re seeing the same bitch I ditched – is she at Genesis? If so, I switched for similar reasons, to another RE there and he’s amazing. Seriously, best thing we’ve done in this journey was ditching her.
Sorry for the assvice…

Comment by chicklet

Hope you had the relaxing weekend that you so deserved.

Comment by Nicole

Wow…that RE’s bedside manner is awful. Good for you for switching. I hope you find someone great.
And I hope you had a relaxing weekend! Sounds like you were due1

Comment by Sticky Bun

You know, in my book, a chemical pregnancy still has the word “pregnancy” in it. And those who dismiss it as nothing can go fuck off. Bad karma for Dr. Bitch. Oh, bad karma, indeed. Can you tell I am pissed off!?
That is wonderful about your hair appt. I hope you had a good weekend after it all. Oh, and congrats on the nice, looking ute.

Comment by Ms. Planner

I am glad that the hysteroscopy went well.
I don’t know if I could have let the bitch RE touch me after hearing that! Good luck getting a new doc.

Comment by My Reality

I would definitely call the RE’s scheduling/appointment people to make sure they recieved the request to change RE’s and understand that you want to see the other dr. There’s no use wasting any more time with Dr. Bitch if you can help it, and a phone call is a pretty quick check, just-in-case.

Comment by sharah

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