exile in kidville


not today, but tomorrow **updated**
May 30, 2007, 9:52 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

so now my d&c is not until tomorrow morning.  argh. when the receptionist at the doctor’s office (a completely new doctor to me as i really didn’t have an ob, and my fertility clinic doesn’t do this sort of thing) told me that the surgery wouldn’t be until thursday, i totally broke down right there.  then i broke down again when during my over an hour wait to see the doc, this stupid woman was letting her 10 month old baby repeatedly try to crawl up my legs.  she finally noticed that this was upsetting me, then offered me some cold water and rubbed my shoulder.  what?  cold water?  get the fuck away from me woman, and please keep your beautiful baby away from me.  not that i said that out loud though. 

tomorrow is also our 4th wedding anniversary.

we’ve been planning on going away to galliano island for our anniversary for a while now.  the doctor said that even though my surgery isn’t until tomorrow that we should be fine to go as long as Husband drives.  we’re now actually thinking of staying an extra night.  we really need a break.

yesterday, i sold our tickets to the Police concert tonight as i thought my surgery would be today.  we sold them to some really good friends who kept reiterating that we could change our minds up to the 11th hour and get the tickets back.  which is exactly what we did this morning.  i think it will be a once in a lifetime concert and will serve as a good distraction from what is to come tomorrow.  besides, i don’t think Husband really knows what to do with me any longer.  don’t get me wrong, he’s 100% supportive and being wonderful.  he’s truly a gem.

our friends and family have been really wonderful too.  it’s ironic, we were keeping the pregnancy a secret from most people, and now more people know than they did before.  we feared the untelling, then ended up telling after the fact.  goes to show that there isn’t a right answer on when to tell people.  hell, might as well share when it’s happy instead of waiting until the happy is over and then only having sadness to tell.

crap. i JUST NOW remembered that i have an appointment this morning.  we signed up with a wonderful birth clinic here in town and on monday i had to call and cancel my 10 week appointment.  after hearing the details, they were rather insistent that i then come in for a follow up for some counseling and possibly some referrals.  i suppose this is still a good idea.  i don’t know.  it will be hard to go in there.  i was planning on spending the day doing laundry and grocery shopping for our trip.  i can do both i suppose.  it certainly can’t hurt (too much?) to go ahead with the appointment.

oh tomorrow.  to say i’m looking forward to it is not the right use of words, but in a certain way i suppose i am.  i don’t feel as if i can move on until after the surgery.  i feel like i can’t really even start to try to feel better until after it is over.  really over.

i likely won’t be able to post again until after we are back from the island.  thanks again for the outpouring of support. i know that so many of you have been in this exact same place. 

**update**
my follow up visit to the birth clinic actually turned out to be really, really good.  i’m glad that i went.  the doctor that i met with (again, a new one to me) was really wonderful.  perhpas one of the most sensitive docs i’ve ever met, and that is saying a lot being that my GP is pretty great, if a bit too laid back for me at times.  she immediately apologized for my having to wait in the waiting room that is nothing if not full-on babyville.  she was just really right on, and while i anticipated leaving there feeling more drained and empty then ever, i left feeling stronger than i have in a week.  i’m so glad i went.  she was really positive about the fact that we even got pregnant — and yes, she was very sensitive while saying that, acknowledging that she knows we wanted *this* baby — and gave me some good advice to take back to my RE (who i still have not had contact with since i called to tell them we had a positive pregnancy test).  whew.  what a relief to have something actually go well and pleasant and strengthening for a change.

now i’m off to pack and to get ready for our show. 

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19 Comments so far
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I’m glad that you are still going on your trip. It certainly won’t be like what you were hoping for, but it sounds like you really need to get away. I would, too. Scream your head off at the concert tonight. Or cry your eyes out while swaying to the music. Either way, no one will notice anything is amiss, and it sounds like a good catharsis.

Comment by furrow

unless you scream while everyone else is dreamily swaying. Then that might seem a little weird.

Comment by furrow

oh my dear, i haven’t ever had this happen to me but i just want to cry for you. i can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling. my ob/gyn specializes in IF and has (graciously) posted a sign outside his office asking that people not bring their children in. i never realized until just now what a blessing that is. you may consider finding an ob/gyn after this is over that is sensitive to these issues so you don’t have to feel so uncomfortable. i truly hope you have a great time at the concert and a wonderfully relaxing vacation after IT is over. *hugs*

Comment by Equipoise

I am sooooo sorry this is happening to you. Try to enjoy your trip. I know that it probably wont be that easy. I’ll be thinking of you… take care

Comment by Meghan

Sending many good thoughts for the procedure tomorrow. And good healing. And relaxation on the trip.

Comment by Mel

I’m so sorry you have to go through this on your anniversary, which should be a time of celebration. Life definitely sucks. I hope you will be able to enjoy the time and relax a little.

Comment by Samantha

I am glad you got some good support this morning. I wish you lots of luck tomorrow and I hope you have a nice break.

Comment by My Reality

Wishing you the best tomorrow. It does get better afterward, but don’t be surprised if it gets bad again before it gets better. Enjoy your trip and do what you need to do to heal.

Comment by Adrienne

I’ll be thinking of you.

Comment by Caro

Oh hon. I’m just catching up now… SO freaking sorry to hear this. Huge and love to you.

Comment by serenity

sending many, many, many thoughts your way. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i’m really glad that you’ve found a caring doc and i’m holding you in my thoughts this morning and am hoping that you’re able to have a little quiet recovery this weekend on your trip. big huge hugs to you.

Comment by carrie

You are managing extremely well under the circumstances. And I am SO happy that you found a great doctor who understands what you are going through. To also be surrounded by loving family and friends is crucial right now.
I hope your getaway helps you to heal a little. And that your procedure goes as smoothly as possible.
XOXO

Comment by Lady In Waiting

How was the concert? I’m glad you were able to go, and you’re able to go on your vaca. And especially, that the appointment turned out to be such a good thing and provide you with some strength.
I hope you get the rest you’re looking for!!

Comment by projgen

I’m so sorry, no one deserves this. BUt I’m glad the appt went well. i’m confused though about why your RE hasn’t been more involved. do they not do any of the follow up scans? it seems like it would be helpful in figuring out how to get it right next time. but i’m glad the clinic offered some good advice to take back to your RE. best wishes to you getting through this very tough time.

Comment by Sarah

I hope things went as well as could be expected today. Enjoy your weekend getaway – you both deserve it.

Comment by coffeegrljp

I am just now catching up on your blog and I wish that I could be there with you to hold your hand and keep everyone else’s babies a safe distance. I am so very very sorry for your loss, and I know how very much you wanted this baby. I had the same exact feelings about wanting the D&C. For me it created a point where I could really grieve. I felt in limbo up until that point. Please know that I am thinking of you and crying right along with you. Please email me if you ever need to chat or just mourn.

Comment by Nicole

I’m a bit late getting to you, but I wanted to say how sorry I am for everything you’ve gone through. You’re in my feed now, so I’ll be checking on you.

Comment by ultimatejourney

How are you holding up?

Comment by Karen

oh sweetie…so so sorry about all of this….glad you found some strength in the visit to the clinic…you are obviously a pretty strong person just going through with that appointment….glad you are getting away…i hope it brings you some peace…
shlomit

Comment by shlomit




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