exile in kidville

24DPO and all is well
May 8, 2007, 3:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

all *is* well, though i rather feel like i’m in limbo these days.  i haven’t peed on any sticks since friday when my last beta came in, but i’m still nervously temping every morning.  i’m trying just to relax into this and enjoy it, but i seem to be having a very difficult time doing so.   i don’t really know why.  i’m afraid of the devastation that will come should anything go wrong.  every day gets a little better, but
but don’t know if i can really let go until after my ultrasound.  who knows what the milestone will be after that!  i still feel like this pregnancy is so tenuous and delicate that if someone looks at me the wrong way it might just disappear.   i’ve even knit myself a little talisbean (a la talisman) that i’ve taken to carrying around with me. 

don’t get me wrong,  i’m very happy.  i was *fully* resigned to this not happening without the intervention of higher science than clom.iphene and met….so i’m happy, surprised, and just feeling incredibly lucky.  that said, at this early stage i’m still being very cautious and trying to manage my excitement.  Husband is too.  we haven’t decided when it will be okay to tell people.  i’ve already told my mom though.  i phoned her the same day as my positive pee stick.  i couldn’t help it.  another good friend guessed because every time we chat she asks if i have "any good news to report."  i was a very bad liar.  so for the rest of the universe, do we wait until the second trimester?  or, if all is well at the ultrasound, will that be an okay time?  i think my GP told me that if they see a heartbeat and all looks good in the ultrasound, there is a less than 1% chance that something bad will happen.  does that sound right to you?  that would put me at 7w4d.  i just don’t know. 

i do know that my news will make it harder for some of you to come here.  i *completely* understand that.  when i first discovered IF blogs not too long ago, i found myself not subscribing to anyone who was actually pregnant.  i just wasn’t in a place where i wanted to read about it.  i truly want to be a sensitive blogger, and ask for feedback at any time when i’m not being one. i was so overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from the very beginning here at this blog….it’s important to me to remain a part of this community, and i want to do what i can to keep you around…Mel had a great post related to this not so long ago, and i found the comments to be helpful too.  in short, i totally understand if you can’t stick around, but would love it if you did.

for something a bit different, allow me to take a cue from Serenity, and ask "If you wanted to know something about me, what would it be?"  i’ve given you the background of our almost two year infertility journey, but haven’t told you much else.  in a tiny nutshell, i’m an American permanently residing in Canada (citizenship coming soon!  yay!) in a crooked little brown house with my amazing husband, irritable kitty, adorable puppy, and some fish.  i *love* living on the west coast even though most of my life i swore i would never live on this side of the Mississippi.  i was born in Pittsburgh, PA, but lived all over  — Louisiana, Georgia, Ohio, Japan. . . i’ve been around! :)  ask away!


9 Comments so far
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Great that you’re being positive. I totally understand the difficulty.
I live in Pittsburgh – how long were you here for? How did you end up in Canada?

Comment by carrie

I have the same question as Carrie, how did you end up in Canada? And, as far as me not coming back to your blog because your pregnant, well you’re not getting rid of me that easily. ;)

Comment by Nicole

well, I’m certainly not going to stop reading just because you’re pregnant. I just got here! I’m still catching up! (and, um, there’s that little detail about me being triple preggers right now…)
anyway as for telling people, that’s a very personal decision. We live in an Orthodox Jewish community where no one tells anyone until at least 3 months (often longer). I was told at 8 weeks in my last pregnancy that getting to 8 weeks, and having seen a heartbeat (which we’d seen the week before), meant we had a 95% chance of carrying to term. I miscarried at 12w1d. I’m not saying that to scare you… only giving you a data point. I started telling people last time around 11 weeks. Truth is… on the one hand, if I’d waited until 13 weeks I wouldn’t have had to “untell” people. But on the other hand, having told people, I had their support when it happened, and that went a long way toward helping me through it.
In this pregnancy we told people at 12 weeks. Some people knew before that though, because with triplets, I couldn’t really hide it past about 10 or 11 weeks. We waited until we’d had two good appointments with the perinatologist where the babies were still growing perfectly and then gave up trying to hide it anymore. (Plus, I was put on bedrest for a few days then, and realized I was going to need to spill the beans because I was obviously going to need more help from my friends than I’d previously been willing to admit.)

Comment by Karen

I followed you from Mel’s bar because, well, you know how librarians can’t resist flocking together. Congratu-freakin-lations on your pregnancy.
I’m currently 15w3d, and we didn’t tell most people until 12 weeks.We told our parents between 8 and 9 weeks, my best friends at 9.5 weeks, and I just started telling at work last week.
Good luck. I’ll be checking back.

Comment by Furrow

We’ll still be coming ’round!
So what’s the favorite place that you’ve lived and why?

Comment by Samantha

A tall glass of water for you–but since it’s imaginary, you can order anything you want.
I say tell people when it feels right. For people we wanted to help us if we went (G-d forbid) through a loss, we told them early. Some people didn’t find out until we were 5 months along and it was impossible to hide. I don’t think there’s a “right” time but there is a “right time for you.”

Comment by Mel

Your post is so very nicely and sensitively worded. I’ll be back! Where did you live and Japan and what were you doing there? Gboy’s family is there and I love to visit.

Comment by coffeegrljp

As I’ve mentioned before (I think), it is heartening for me, as someone who has difficulty ovulating, to see someone like you get pregnant after so many medicated rounds. I’m rooting for you! Your news lifts me up after reading so many heartwrenching blogs.

Comment by Ann

My thingy-I-can’t-remember-the-name-of for checking my favourite blogs has decided to play games and so didn’t tell me you’d posted this until today (modern technology. Hah. ) So I’m rather late here. Sorry.
I won’t stop visiting. I know I’m a rotten bad commentator – due to acute self-consciousness. In fact, when fellow infertiles do finally get pregnant and then STOP blogging, I always feel bitterly disappointed. I want to know how they are, how being pregnant is, that they still think of the rest of us occasionally. If they stop posting, I am torn between wondering if everything’s OK, and wondering if they just want to forget about being infertile altogether (which makes me feel a little betrayed, as much as I try not to get so silly).
So I’d be very glad if you keep posting. After all, we’ve all earnt a few happy endings and wonderful sequels.

Comment by May

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