exile in kidville


cyclical
April 27, 2007, 12:37 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

cycle

funny how the word cycle implies something that happens regularly.  there has never been anything regular about my menstrual cycles.  i was SO excited to ready Lady in Waiting’s post today because she said that often she has no idea what day is actually CD1.  i *always* struggle with this.  so many times i have wanted to march into a doctor’s office and show them.  how about this much?  is this spotting?  or is this CD1?  not yet?  okay, i’ll be back tomorrow. 

so here i am 13 or 14 DPO.  by all accounts, i should be starting my period today or tomorrow.  so far, no signs.  well, no spots anyway. 

this is why hope can be such a bitch.  i was fine being all aloof about this cycle, but now am starting to get a little freaky.  staring intently at the paper when i use the washroom.  considering the use of a magnifying glass in order to better see said paper.  avoiding using the washroom to avoid seeing any pink on the paper.  running quickly to the washroom at the tinge of a cramp….i am once again a crazy woman.

sigh.

it’s all the more nonsensical because even with all of the crazy-lady-ness, i still can’t consciously acknowledge any hope for this cycle.  i just can’t.  perhaps that is a self defense mechanism kicking in. 
i thought of testing this morning, but couldn’t do it.  i’m a real wuss when it comes to testing.

okay.  i have to run off to a meeting.  joy!  note to self:  do NOT go to the washroom during this meeting.  better to have pee coming out of your ears than to have to return to the meeting all red-eyed and snotty….

before i go, i just have to say that you all are the most wonderful bunch of supportive ladies.  i can’t tell you much how joining this blogging community has propped me up recently.  you’re all so thoughtful, insightful, supportive, and kind —  you inspire me, and the glimmer of hope that resides in me.  thank you, all of you, for existing.  i was feeling so alone before i found you.

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8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Too bad we don’t live in the same town, we could compare notes on the theory of CD1. I think I will just measure it in fractions. I have decided that there is such a thing as CD 0.25. I too have become way too familiar with the red specks inherent to poor quality toilet paper.

Comment by Nicole

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. No spotting so far is definitely a good sign. But I guess you just never know. When will you test/ have a beta?

Comment by carrie

Sending good thoughts for this cycle. May AF stay away–of course, for 9 months.

Comment by Mel

I hope the spotting continues to stay away. It isn’t over yet!

Comment by My Reality

You are a support to all of us too and I really appreciate reading you. I’m hoping and hoping and hoping for you so don’t worry if you are feeling a little ambivalent — we’ve all got your back.

Comment by Merideth

Just catching up, I hope AF has stayed away for a few more days!

Comment by Samantha

Agreed….Hope is a b*tch…but I truly hope it will be all yours one day.

Comment by M

Sorry I haven’t commented sooner and not sure where you are in the torture chamber (otherwise known as the 2ww.) There are few things I find more painful than a negative pregnancy test. I almost find the waiting easier!
Not sure if this would still be helpful, but I have noticed over the years that sometimes intimate relations with Mr. LIW brings on AF if she is imminent. It might be worth a try, right? What have you got to lose at this point?
Good luck and please update us soon!

Comment by Lady In Waiting




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