exile in kidville


my broken body makes me a bad friend
April 4, 2007, 5:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

argh.

a dear, dear friend of mine just called me to tell me that she’s six weeks knocked up with her second kidlet.  they started trying mere months ago.

instead of being happy for her i felt like someone put their foot in my stomach.

how crappy is that?  it feels terrible — not just in the poor me sense of things, but in the sense that the IF crap that I’m going through is making me a terrible friend as well as an infertile.

to make matters worse, she was telling me that her doc thinks that her past two cycles ended as chemical pregnancies because her normally like-clockwork period was late both times and excessively crampy and heavy.  no tests were done to confirm so this is just a hunch on her docs behalf, but still — it sounds as if (though i’m not entirely certain because i was being a shitty friend and listener) the doc has expressed a bit of concern should this pregnancy come to an early end as that could put her in a multiple miscarrier category.

i didn’t try to comfort her on this part at all. 
not one bit.  i even thought, "good lord, she’s one of those who gets pregnant when her partner looks at her sideways."

so, i’m feeling crappy on many levels.  i’m debating whether or not to call or email her and tell her what i’m feeling or if i’m over-reacting.   i fear getting into such detail if she didn’t even notice that i was being a bit off….

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6 Comments so far
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Huge hugs….I think we all go through that….I personally would just see if she keeps calling and acts normal…then you will know. If you have an exceptionally good day and want to approach the topic then do so. I have a very supportive friend that I have only recently been able to talk to her about her pregnancy and she is around 30 weeks now. We still only talked limited amounts about it though.
Good luck to you.

Comment by M

Unfortunately it does seem to be a universal feeling to find it difficult to be happy for pregnant friends. Perhaps your friend was also sharing the news about her potential chemical pregnancies as a way to try to try to find common ground–“Look you’re having trouble getting pregnant, so am I!” Although that may be a stretch. I agree you should just wait and see how things go. You may feel better after a few days, and she may not have even noticed your reaction.

Comment by Samantha

I don’t think you need to say anything to her about your reaction right now. She may not have even picked up on it. And, if she knows your situation, she probably understands (a little) where you’re coming from. See what happens in the next few days/weeks and take it from there. It’s so hard when friends get pregnant – I am happy for them, but sad for me, and trying to balance both emotions at the same time is tough.

Comment by carrie

Don’t beat yourself up, hon – it’s hard to dredge up happiness when people get PG by sneezing. *sigh*
It’s hard. Give yourself the leeway to feel bad for YOU.
*hug*

Comment by serenity

Step away from the computer and do not email or call her. If there is to be a discussion it can definitely wait until your feeling better. Plus, with time, you’ll come up with a fabulous statement to make.

Comment by Nicole

It is tough when people get pregnant just because they want to. I don’t think you have to explain anything to your friend.

Comment by My Reality




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